Continuation of Creative Writing

On the 9th of December our other tutor decided he didn't like our stories and wanted us to change them again…



Here is the newer version of the story:

The biggest change is the relationship between Mr. Long and Dalori.

At the start of the story they get married exchange rings and move into their new house. Mr. Long is moving one of Dalori's boxes and finds binoculars in them. He picks them up and looks through them. Then Dalori calls him and he turns around, still looking through the binoculars. He then finds out that his wife is in fact an alien monkey. He then panics and runs away with the binoculars.

A few months later in the office, where Mr. Long is the boss, Dalori and her fellow henchmen burst into the door. Mr. Long recognises Dalori and quickly gets out his binoculars to make sure if her henchmen are also aliens.

The office workers and Dalori's henchmen misunderstand the situation and feel threatened by each other and begin a fight in the office. So it's alien monkeys vs. office workers. In the middle of the fight Dalori and Mr. Long have in argument. During their discussion an alien monkey gets pushed by an office worker who hits off Mr. Long and makes him fall out of the window.

Dalori jumps after her husband and wraps her arms around him while they are falling. Dalori uses her alien skills for a smooth landing. Mr. Long was saved by Dalori and he falls for her again, only that  this time he knows the fact that she is an alien monkey from outer space.




The thing I miss about the story is the hippie in his hoping van.